Until I became a mother, that is. This post needs no introduction really. If you are a parent, you will have heard many weird and wonderful things come out of your mouth when you are talking to your kids. Here are 10 of my personal favourites; unbelievably, these are all things I have said to my kids at some time over the last six and a half years.
1. The song is actually called Hark the Herald Angels Sing, not Hark the Hairy Angels Sing.
2. Perhaps tomorrow night I’ll just feed crayons to you as you seem to like them so much better than normal food.
3. Just what I’ve always wanted. A snail shell for my birthday. How thoughtful.
4. I’m not sure why your Ken doll doesn’t have a willy. Perhaps he’s wearing plastic underpants and he has a willy underneath those?
5. It might be hard to be Cinderella when you grow up. I think that position is already taken.
6. No, they’re not earplugs darling. They’re called tampons. Best we take them out of your ears now.
7. Yes, that bottle of yellow nail polish is lovely, I just don’t have enough money to buy any for myself today.
8. Please take your fork out of your eye.
9. I would love to wear the pasta necklace you made for me when I go out to dinner tonight but I accidentally broke it.
10. No, if you step off the ledge you won’t bounce. Balls bounce. Little boys just break.
What about you? What absolute treasures have sprung from your mouth all in the name of parenting? I’d love to hear!